Change has come! Transformation has occurred!

Since my last post in January, I have lost 55 lbs. Other changes in my life...

~I practice the four agreements:

1) Be impeccable with your word

2) Don't take anything personally

3) Don't make assumptions

4) Always do your best

These simple yet very deep personal agreements have set me free of worry, stress and pain. My health has improved, my life has improved and my relationships have improved. I am becoming who I always visualized and doing things I always wanted to do. I love my life, my family and my friends. I am truly blessed.

10 Honest Things About Me

Okay, tag I'm it. My friend Angela wants to know 10 honest things about me, so here it goes...

1.) I am passionate, romantic and long for that magical true love, Love that does not include controlling, manipulative behaviors. All my intimate long term relationships have been with men who have wanted to control me. In return I would try to control them. It has never worked out and I am ready to move on to a grown up love. One where I can be me and my partner loves me for it.

2.) I believe in magic. Magic in nature and daily events. I do not believe in irony. I think that is the universes way of telling us we are either on the right track or whoa we need to stop and think about what we are doing.

3.) I suffer from mommy guilt. After leaving their dad and seeing how they have struggled with the transition, I often find myself saying, "I could make it work for the kids." or "Maybe I should give him another chance." But I don't and won't. The grief I feel the day after I have gone out and have a good time. I think, "Would a good mother do that?" or "I'm so selfish." I have to stop this head fucked grief and start trusting that I have done and will do the right thing for my situation. Mommies have to have a break now and again.

4.) I want to be a writer. I love to write and have often dreamed of being a writer in a cabin in the woods. Writing kids books, Pagan mysteries, tales of witches, etc. I have started two kids books. Vinnie the Magical Cat and My mommy is a Witch.

5.) I have an incredible sex drive. When I meet someone I am physically attracted to, it doesn't take too long before we are...um...doing the deed. I am not shy or ashamed of my libido. This may seem slutty to some, but I love it and it makes me happy. I never judge anyone for their sexual fetishes and I have many...Leather, domination, food, role playing, toys, movies, you name it, I like it. My passion in the bedroom usually never leads to anything more intimate. I know true intimacy comes from something bigger than sex. Even so, anyone who I am going to have a long term relationship with is going to have to like sex.

6.) My relationship with my parents is difficult. They don't really know who I am. They have always tried to subtly dictate who I should be and what I should do, in a sick kind of co-dependent way. There are so many things they don't know about me. If they read this blog they would both crap their pant.

7.) I love to get dressed up all girly girl like. Glitz, glam, fashion is totally fun. I have ignored this side of me for some time. Usually dressed in jeans and a T-shirt or hoody, I long to have the stylish looks of a fashion model.

8.) I hate being rushed. The morning grind of getting up, getting ready, getting the kids ready, feeding Grace, getting them in the car, shuffling Grace to school and Ivan to daycare drives me crazy. Even if I get up early, it always seems rushed and frantic. I can't stand it.

9.) My ex is the only person in the world that can make my blood boil. He is also the only person on this planet that can make me turn into a mean, nasty, insult throwing bitch. He just did that before I typed this. He told me that I should "have a nice life" and threatened to beat up my friends so he could get put in jail where I wouldn't get any money. Like that was the most important thing to me.

10.) Honestly, I am so tired I can not think of a tenth one. I need to sleep. That's honest.

Change can be Painful

I truly believe that some changes brings about painbodies. Random aches and pains or patterned illness can be a link to our inner soul. Our inner workings and the universe helping us see the big picture.





My legs have been a cause of pain for me since the birth of my daughter, Grace. I had varicose vein surgery a year after I had her. Both legs had a vein and tributaries taken out, although I don't think they got them all. Continued swelling, aches and focused pain had come to be a normal thing.





I thought I was given this as a message from the universe....Loose weight, get some exercise, get healthy! Which I have taken steps in all of these areas and am gradually getting healthier. However, set backs have come like lightning. Stiking me down, forcing me to be less active and I have become some what frustrated. My energy level has dropped and I am being forced to realize that this is more than I can deal with.

My daughter in the meantime has developed some painful rituals to help deal with the overwhelming change of going to public school. Too many rules, too much discpline, not enough nap time or cuddles. She is downright nasty some nights after school and needs to sleep almost immediately when returning home.

A good friend offered to do a past life regression for a very reasonable charge. All of the lives that came to me had vivid memories and feelings. That should be saved for another blog...
One life in particular featured me as a homeless man in the city of London with a old friend who helped me get around. My legs began feeling very tired and actually tingled during this portion of the session. I then went to being an expectant mother on a farm with a younger son who was helping a cow give birth. I feverishly went to the ground and my legs felt numb. I had passed out or lost conciousness during the session for only a moment but in that time, I felt my legs had been removed from my body. How are my legs connected to my past lives and how can I heal them? What needs to change in my life to help this healing process?

As my life changes and begins to unfold in unexpected ways I start to feel the pain in my legs once more. My injuries and illnesses have subsided and I am ready to become strong, lean and fit. Ready to meet these leg issues head on. By healing my legs, may it heal my soul and make me a better spirit.

As for Grace's dilema with school, her teacher says she will adjust and come to accept school as the norm. How can this be the norm? It is so cruel, stressful and full of fear. Thinking of everything she must be going through; Kids not accepting her, teachers scolding her, she is unable to hug, kiss or be loved because of the "touch a child, loose a recess" rule. I am assured by her teacher, who seems to be legit, that the kids can hug just not without prior asking first. This was demonstrated in class by Grace and another child. Almost too rehearsed for me. I felt the teacher was doing it just for me and she was annoyed she had to bother. The amazing part was the kids ate it up. Many of them got out of their seats to hug and the teacher had to raise her voice to get them to sit down. Why not have a hug fest? 3 minutes in the morning where you hug your classmates? All you need is love right?

Grace needs hugs, I need new legs. Ha.

I am a change agent.

I am supposed to embrace change. I am a witch. I manifest change regularly. It comes easily to me when I set my mind to it. My home that I recently purchased was easy change. I watercolored the exact house I live in 8 months before I found it.

The change of my relationship with my partner of seven years was relatively easy. For me that is, he is still struggling with the fact that I no longer find him physically appealing. I have moved on and found a new found freedom with living alone. (with my two kids of course.)

But for some reason, changing my life to include more satisfaction in my work and more money is not happening for me. The path toward a more sucessful financial life has made progress and I am grateful for that. However I need to figure out what can I do to shift the universe just the right amount to change my financial status from okay to GREAT!

My idea; I love to write and I am thinking of working on that. I have a few great ideas for kids books and I am also considering writing a romance thriller. I would need a pen name. What do you think?

I am a public Witch

As seen in Juice magazine, (a local Des Moines publication that targets 21-30 somethings) I am now a public witch. I was interviewed and spoke of Wiccan and Pagan beliefs for about 20 minutes. Brianne, the journalist, then plucked two, two minute segments of my dialoge. My motivation was to open up the conversation so that others would not be afraid or ignorant about what we stand for.

To check them out click on the links below...

http://dmjuice.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080116/JUICE09/301170007/-1/videos

http://dmjuice.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080116/JUICE09/301160005/-1/videos