10 Honest Things About Me

Okay, tag I'm it. My friend Angela wants to know 10 honest things about me, so here it goes...

1.) I am passionate, romantic and long for that magical true love, Love that does not include controlling, manipulative behaviors. All my intimate long term relationships have been with men who have wanted to control me. In return I would try to control them. It has never worked out and I am ready to move on to a grown up love. One where I can be me and my partner loves me for it.

2.) I believe in magic. Magic in nature and daily events. I do not believe in irony. I think that is the universes way of telling us we are either on the right track or whoa we need to stop and think about what we are doing.

3.) I suffer from mommy guilt. After leaving their dad and seeing how they have struggled with the transition, I often find myself saying, "I could make it work for the kids." or "Maybe I should give him another chance." But I don't and won't. The grief I feel the day after I have gone out and have a good time. I think, "Would a good mother do that?" or "I'm so selfish." I have to stop this head fucked grief and start trusting that I have done and will do the right thing for my situation. Mommies have to have a break now and again.

4.) I want to be a writer. I love to write and have often dreamed of being a writer in a cabin in the woods. Writing kids books, Pagan mysteries, tales of witches, etc. I have started two kids books. Vinnie the Magical Cat and My mommy is a Witch.

5.) I have an incredible sex drive. When I meet someone I am physically attracted to, it doesn't take too long before we are...um...doing the deed. I am not shy or ashamed of my libido. This may seem slutty to some, but I love it and it makes me happy. I never judge anyone for their sexual fetishes and I have many...Leather, domination, food, role playing, toys, movies, you name it, I like it. My passion in the bedroom usually never leads to anything more intimate. I know true intimacy comes from something bigger than sex. Even so, anyone who I am going to have a long term relationship with is going to have to like sex.

6.) My relationship with my parents is difficult. They don't really know who I am. They have always tried to subtly dictate who I should be and what I should do, in a sick kind of co-dependent way. There are so many things they don't know about me. If they read this blog they would both crap their pant.

7.) I love to get dressed up all girly girl like. Glitz, glam, fashion is totally fun. I have ignored this side of me for some time. Usually dressed in jeans and a T-shirt or hoody, I long to have the stylish looks of a fashion model.

8.) I hate being rushed. The morning grind of getting up, getting ready, getting the kids ready, feeding Grace, getting them in the car, shuffling Grace to school and Ivan to daycare drives me crazy. Even if I get up early, it always seems rushed and frantic. I can't stand it.

9.) My ex is the only person in the world that can make my blood boil. He is also the only person on this planet that can make me turn into a mean, nasty, insult throwing bitch. He just did that before I typed this. He told me that I should "have a nice life" and threatened to beat up my friends so he could get put in jail where I wouldn't get any money. Like that was the most important thing to me.

10.) Honestly, I am so tired I can not think of a tenth one. I need to sleep. That's honest.